Needless to say, I want my kids without excuse when it comes to understanding the gospel. It's the core of what I try to teach them as I parent. I don't want their understanding on the matter to be fuzzy or their idea of it abstract. I want them to know it, understand it and see it played out in everyday life in our home.
But that being said, this issue can get very confusing for kids AND parents when it comes to what being "saved" actually looks like.
There seem to be two main "camps" on the issue:
1. Those who encourage a conversion experience and a "sinner's prayer."
2. Those who place more of an emphasis on the idea of "God's covenant" with Christian families which can have a wide range in meaning.
My husband and I each grew up in a different "camp" and we've had several discussion on what we feel like the good and bad are from these approaches. I think there are strengths and weaknesses in each and today I'll try to fairly discuss what I see those to be.
The "Sinner's Prayer and My Story"
I grew up in a denomination that often places a lot of emphasis on a conversion experience. Parents and teachers are often trained to lead children (or even any adult that they "witness to") in a "sinner's prayer." There are no set words or formulas, but it's often a summary of the gospel, a confession of a person's shortcomings as a sinner who recognizes my need for a Savior and asks the Lord to forgive their sins so that they can become his child. Many see these elements as pretty critical aspects to becoming a true believer.
Here are some strengths and weaknesses I see with this approach...
Strengths: It acknowledges that things like going to church, being baptized, and being raised in a Christian home do not save you and doesn't guarantee that a child understands and embraces the gospel and will one day spend their eternity with Christ. It can help a person process what salvation means and lead to a sincere, conscious and clear understanding of that gift.
Weaknesses: This mindset often places a lot of emphasis on a prayer that can inadvertently give a false sense of security to those who pray it because of a gross misunderstanding of the gospel. (This is sometimes referred to as "fire insurance" or a "get out of hell free card." There is no heart change, but because of an emotional presentation of the gospel and a (sometimes manipulative) plea for repentance, some pray "the prayer" and feel like they're "in" without ever giving another thought to what a life in Christ might look like or perhaps are completely confused about what in the world just happened.
I believe this mindset can also lead to doubts of a genuine salvation experiences down the road. This was very much my experience...
The beauty of the gospel is that the way I understood it when I was six years old is completely different than how I understand it now. That's okay... even a good thing! I see it as a more incredible and humbling and beautiful gift as the years go by. BUT, because I "accepted Christ" when I was six and understood it on such an elementary level at that point, I have often doubted my salvation experience as being a true conversion because several years down the road I would look back at it and know that I didn't "get it" then like I do now. It took me many years to come to terms with the fact that I have been working out my salvation (Ph. 2:12-13) and growing in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior all these years (2 Pt. 3:18). I'm not sure that it would have been such an issue for me if that conversion experience was not made to be such a big deal by my church/denomination growing up.
"God's Covenant" and Kids
The other camp is more of a "covenant idea" of salvation. Many who fall into this category don't focus so much on an experience or prayer or use the word conversion much (unless it is someone who is not raised in the church and later comes to Christ). A child is often considered a Christian if they embrace the faith of their parents as they grow. Now, there are many denominations that fall into this category and interpretations of this swing wildly on this issue. I will say from the outset that I don't think any kind of outward act (namely, infant baptism, where this issue can get very confused) can change a child's heart and create a Christian. But I understand that MANY see this act as a dedication of their babies to the Lord and a commitment to raise them in the knowledge and fear of the Lord (and I even had the joy of witnessing my nephew's baptism this past Sunday!). Though I may not fall into this category, I am respectful of that opinion.
So here are the strengths and weaknesses I see in this approach:
Strengths: It doesn't place so much emphasis on a "decision" so there's not as much room for making a false commitment. It can also lead to less doubt later on. If you're not looking back to pinpoint a time and day when you "became a Christian" you might be less likely to struggle with doubts over the sincerity of your faith. If you look back and see growth, it's encouraging, not a reason to wonder if you really got it before that. My husband and best friend from college fall into this category and I've often been envious (in a super spiritual way - lol ;) of the fact that doubt of their standing with Christ has not been such a struggle for them.
Weaknesses: This approach can also lead to a false security because one was baptized as an infant or because your family are believers or even thinking that because you go to church you're "in." It can lead to a nominal faith with little depth and little consideration for what the gospel actual is and calls us to. (Note: This can happen with both approaches, but I see it as more likely result of the latter.)
This post is meant in no way to bash or judge denominations or approaches. I hope that it can bring some clarity as you think through how you approach salvation with your children. We all come into parenting with convictions, mindsets that have been ingrained in us, and even some baggage from the way we were raised and taught. This will likely impact how we present the MOST IMPORTANT message we have for our child and I think it's worth thinking through.
So how should we approach salvation with our kiddos? Next week, I will flesh out some of my thoughts on the matter based on my understanding of Scripture and my experience in children's ministry.
Without being too controversial or disrespectful, can you add insight into the pros and cons of either of these approaches based on your experience?
Part 2 - Salvation and Kids: So.... What Exactly Does the Bible Say About It?
Part 3 - Salvation and Kids: 5 Important Things to Consider When Presenting the Gospel to Children
Salvation and Kids: The Most Important Prayer
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Your experience was very similar to mine...it has frustrated me in the past, but I've determined that it really doesn't matter if I can nail down a "time" of conversion...my faith and relationship with Him matters. Regarding childhood faith (or anyone's), I find it comforting to remember that God will do the saving, not us...we just have to open our mouth.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with your thoughts...my husband and I have worked in youth ministry and have seen both over and over again. Most commonly, we would see a child who said a sinner's prayer at a young age - they remember NOTHING about it, don't have details, but their parents told them it happened - so they struggle a lot with doubts and such. There is actually a project I am doing for my boys on this subject. http://sarahissurroundedbyboys.blogspot.com/2012/09/memories-that-matter.html Interested in reading some responses. We definitely want out kids to not see salvation as a means to an end(free card) or anything...but rather part of God's CONTINUAL work in their lives. Decisions need to be followed up by SO MUCH discpleship, for sure.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I grew up under the first way of thinking. We've since attended a church that is more like the second. We're still hashing out how we thinking and how that will affect our parenting. Thank you for this post. It's cleared things up for me and made me once again think about what we want to do.
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you, thank you for this post! It feels so great to have someone that has experienced the same doubts, questions and fears about their early conversion experience as well. I have always felt so alone in this, and went through a very dark 18-month period agonizing over, trying to remember, what all my understanding, motives, grasp of the gospel was when I prayed for salvation at age 11. After biblical counseling, and the Spirit leading me to some helpful books (Around the Whicket Gate by Spurgeon, Stepping Heavenward by Prentiss and Knowledge of the Holy by Tozer), do I now see that whether or not I understood enough then, I can trust Jesus as the "shepherd and overseer of my soul" (1 peter 2:25) and know that "whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame" (1 peter 2:6) This is the what I want to convey to my kids regarding Jesus as Savior, and not only rely on an "experience" but to also look for "fruits of repentance" in their lives. Thank you for speaking openly about this, I can't tell you how much your blog has brought me comfort and insight for my christian walk over the past year!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I both grew up in the "sinner's prayer" camp and I, personally, have definitely struggled with the assurance of my salvation over the years. We recently switch churches {God closed the door at our previous church and we felt lead to this one}, and for the first time in years, I am sure of my salvation because I'm now being taught that the prayer really had very little to do with my salvation. I definitely believe that prayer is necessary to the life of a Christian, but the conversion experience doesn't always happen in one moment. More than that, sanctification is a process that takes our entire lifetimes!
ReplyDeleteI am much more familiar with the second school of thought. I could never understand my other Christian friends from the first camp very well, or would meet people who claimed they had "come to Jesus" but led such sinful lives. It never really clicked with me. I didn't understand how one moment was all they needed to be "saved" because I was taught that this life is our probation, that repentance is an on-going process, and that we are always sinning and need Jesus Christ to redeem us again and again.
ReplyDeleteAlso, though I was baptized at age eight, and don't remember much about it, I do know that it did symbolize my entering into a covenant with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that I would from them on do my very best to always remember and to keep his commandments so that I could always have his spirit to be with me. It didn't guarantee my salvation. It was the first step in a long life ahead of serving Christ.
It seems to me in either system, we err when we think that it is anything that WE do that brings about our salvation. "For it is by grace you have been saved through faith and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God, that no one should boast." (Eph. 2:8-9) That includes works like baptism, growing up in church, having a christian family, praying a prayer, acting like a Christian, etc... Christ calls, he opens our eyes to our sin and our need and to the beauty of Christ and we respond in faith, but not only for our salvation, but for our sanctification as well. We should always call our children to respond in faith to the Savior's call- (repent and believe!), because that is a biblical model. And yet to GROUND our salvation on anything that we have done... a "sincere" prayer, a baptism, or regular church attendance is to place our hope not in Christ, but in OUR actions. The bible talks about the "new birth". There is a point at which, because we are spiritually dead, we must be made alive. Re-born. It is so important to learn and teach good theology to our kids, even though it is hard to get a grasp on ourselves and requires a lot of effort and seeking out those who can help us refine our thinking and our terminology. Otherwise, we can stumble into some very false notions that begin to say some very untrue things about God and we may not even recognize it. A study on the theological concept of regeneration (or the "new birth") can be so helpful for understanding this. I highly recommend John Piper's book, Finally Alive. An excellent resource that I have used with my kids is a booklet called "Helping Children Understand the Gospel" published by Children Desiring God. (childrendesiringgod.org) It has helped me to understand my own experiences and how to explain the gospel to my own kids.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your thoughts Jennifer. We have Finally Alive, but I don't have the booklet you referred to. I'm going to try to get my hands on a copy and take a look at it! Next week, I'm going to go more in depth with what I believe Scripture says and how we probably need to be thinking outside the "camps" as we approach this. :) Thanks for taking the time to add your valuable input!
DeleteI just read this post for the first time after clicking over to your post from today. This is so good! I was raised like you were, and experienced the same doubts. I knew other denominations looked at things differently, but I never understood exactly how or what they taught. I was just taught they were "wrong". Thank you for clearing this up. I can see how both lines of teaching have been at play in my life, so I can see the valid arguments on both sides. This gives me something great to chew on. Now off to read Part 2 and 3! Also, if it's not too much trouble, would you mind putting a link to parts 2 and 3 on this post? I would like to share it with some folks, but I don't know if they will continue on to read the other posts if they have to go "find" them. Keep up the thought-provoking work!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reminding me to do that, Carly! Just linked them all up so it's easy to find the others! And thanks so much for your feedback! :)
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