Top 10 Posts from our first year: #1 - Moral Parenting vs. Christian Parenting

(This post has been a source of some grief for me, but I think I'm happy it's the article with the most reads.  There has been some unpleasant controversy associated with it, but it also summarizes really well what I'm trying to flesh out everyday with my parenting.  Coming in at number 1 with nearly 20,000 hits is Moral Parenting vs. Christian Parenting...)

I began to get serious about making concentrated efforts to teach Isaac God’s Word when he was a little over a year and a half.  I’ll never forget our first “lesson”!  We did the story of Jonah and it was a blast!  We read the story from various children’s Bibles, did some activities, acted the story out and even had a Jonah lunch!  I, of course, wanted to add in some application, and so we talked about how important it is to obey God.  

The end.

As I opened the pages of the book Give Them Grace, I got a sinking feeling as I read.  Her opening example?  Teaching the story of Jonah to your kids.  She gives an example of a mother teaching her kids the story and it looked pretty similar to mine in a lot of ways.  This mom even used blue jello as a snack to represent the water.  I wish I had thought of that!  This mom was doing a great job of raising her kids in a godly, Christian home.  And then… 

The author reveals that this mother was actually a member of a cult that uses the Bible as part of the training of their children. 

Ummm... okay... thanks for that boost of confidence.

The authors go on to explain their point.  Teaching the story of Jonah like I did, while not necessarily wrong, is the same way a Jewish or Mormon family would teach their kids the story.  

So, is this a problem?  Well, that simply means there’s nothing distinctly Christian about it.  

Most religions of the world want their kids to be moral.  Am I simply turning the Bible into a religious Aesop’s Fables?  NO!  So what makes my parenting and the way I teach my kids Christian?

The answer:  The gospel.

I am a sinner saved by grace through Jesus Christ.

No other religion in the world offers that.  He is the Only Way.

So if he is the distinguishing factor, how do I make sure that Jesus Christ permeates my parenting?  If he is what my children really need, how do I make sure that HE is the focus and not just "getting my children to behave"?

As I’m showing my Awana kids on Wednesday nights, Jesus is the Big Picture of the Bible.  He was part of the plan at the Creation of the world.  Everything in Scripture points to HIM.  So, does my parenting lead my boys to Jesus?  Does the way I teach my kids the Bible show them their need for a Savior and the wonderful gift of the Messiah?

I think out of fear I tend to make the law (God's commands) the focus in my parenting.  I teach them ABOUT Jesus, but Jesus doesn't really affect my parenting.  I lay out the rules and expect them to be followed.  When they don't meet those expectations, I correct them, and then punish them for falling short.

The end.

Please understand, I am NOT saying that I shouldn't have rules and consequences with my kids.  That would be a disaster!  But I think when my parenting begins and ends with the law and doesn't include grace in the equation, I miss out on a HUGE teaching opportunity.  An opportunity to point them to Christ. 

(As a side note, I know this post could raise a LOT of questions.  Right now my point is my perspective and understanding of all this as a parent.  I'll explain the practical affect it has on my discipline in a post next week.  I wish I could get in all down in one post clearly and concisely, but alas, I'm not that good with words.)

When I parent with grace, I'm preaching the gospel to myself and my child on a day to day, sometimes moment to moment basis.  I'm reminding us both that we're not going to get this right.  I want my kids to see they can't EARN this.  Practice WILL NOT make perfect.  I know.  I've tried.  What a beautiful thing to show my kids, that even though there are rules in this house, there is grace when they're broken.  That doesn't mean there aren't consequences.  It means we try to look to Jesus to put things back in perspective when things go wrong.  

I am very thankful that I have been shown in a fresh way the absolute necessity of the gospel in the way I parent.  If you're like me, this is where some guilt may set in.  This is NOT how I've been viewing parenting.  Ninety percent of the time my parenting has been law driven (And there is a definite place for showing your kids God's rules and setting them as the standard in your home.  I'll talk about that more on Monday!).  But the more I've thought about all this, the more encouraged I am (and thankful, once again, for grace!).  The gospel is essential for my family all day, every day.  We can cling to and find rest in the forgiveness that has been given to us for the rest of our lives.  It's not something that saved my husband and I and now we've moved on knowing that we should make sure and try to get our kids on board along the way.  The gospel is a critical factor in everything we do RIGHT NOW.  We can't parent without it.

So, how would Jonah Day at the Miller house look different today?  Well, we'd do all the same activities.  We'd still have lots of fun.  But I'd make sure to point out that God showed mercy to Jonah when he disobeyed and mercy to the people of Ninevah.  Both were undeserving of this grace, just like us, but God is a loving God who gives us good things that we don't deserve, namely his very own Son.  Would he understand it all?  Well, probably not.  But one thing I like about starting things early with my boys is that it helps ME.  The longer I practice doing things when they're younger, the more comfortable I hope to feel with these unchartered territories when they're older and it starts to matter most.  

Please understand that I am not saying that EVERY time I read the Bible with Isaac and Silas I'm going to be talking about Jesus and the Cross and salvation.  (Though I don't think this would be wrong.)  I'm just learning that the Gospel needs to play a much more central role in our home.  It's easy for me to divide the stories up into simple moral lessons on how my kids and I should act.  Instead I want to show them that they can never be good enough on their own... even if they obeyed Mommy perfectly.  I want to show them that Mommy can't be the perfect Mom either.  I want them to see the beauty of a forgiving Savior who makes up for the failures of ALL of us.  I want to lead them to Jesus.  

For those of you who may feel a little overwhelmed by all of this (as I did), and the thought of having to try and connect any story outside of the 4 gospels to the gospel makes you feel totally inadequate (as it did me), don't lose heart!  Tomorrow I'm sharing a practical printable I made to help with "pointing to the gospel" in my teaching.  

You might be interested in checking out the other posts from our Gospel-Centered Parenting series:
Introduction:  A Major Shift in My Parenting Mindset
Part 1:  Back to the Basics
Free Printable:  The Gospel in the Bible
Part 3:  Instilling a Realistic View of Self
Part 4:  How Gospel-Centered Parenting is Looking for Us on a Practical Level