Instilling a Realistic View of Self (Part 3)

Hormones.  Sleep-deprivation.  Grumpy kids.  Weather.  I can find a million excuses to justify my sin.  My pride tries to convince me that I’m a pretty good girl and if it weren’t for my imperfect circumstances, I’d respond correctly every time.

Right…

My boys?  I’m pretty good at helping them with the excuses too, ESPECIALLY in front of other people.  It’s naptime.  They’re fighting a cold.  We’ve been really busy and out of our normal routine.  They’re TWO.

So what does that have to do with the whole parenting with the gospel thing?  Well, sin is something my boys and I are going to struggle with for the rest of our lives, so it's going to have to be dealt with.  I'm learning that I  can approach it two ways:

1.  I can teach them the Law and expect them to follow it.  (By Law, I mean all of God’s commands found in the Bible).  I can teach them to share and then hold them accountable to share.  When they don’t share, I can correct them, tell them what God expects and then discipline in hopes that next time they are confronted with the opportunity to obey or disobey, they choose to obey and share.  Sort of a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps and let’s get this right, kiddo” approach. 

Then, when they share, I can praise them for sharing and doing the right thing.  They’ve done exactly what I’ve told them to do, so they should be encouraged, right?

OR

2.  I could teach them the Law and show them grace.  I could I teach them to share and hold them accountable to do it.  When they don’t share, I correct them and discipline them.  I tell them what God expects.  Everything looks pretty much the same up to this point.  But it doesn't end here.  I can then empathize that they can never do it right on their own.  Neither can Mommy.  Nobody can.  I can remind them that Jesus died for situations just like this.  I can point them to the Savior.


And when they get it right?  Sure I can encourage them!  But I can also point them to Jesus.     I can remind them that sharing our toys is great, and Jesus shared something even better!  He shared his life and even gave it up for us so that we could be with him one day in heaven.

The situation looks so similar in both scenarios, but the mindset is SO different.  In the first scenario, I’m telling my boys to get it right.  I'm EXPECTING them to get it right.  Just do it.  Look within yourself and get this thing figured out.  That's what makes God happy.  And you want to make God happy, right?  On my end, I’m hoping for a Pavlov’s dogs sort of result.  Be consistent and eventually they’ll do what I’m trying to train them to do out of habit (and/or fear of punishment).  

In the second scenario, I’m showing them that it’s impossible for them to ever get this right on their own.  In a sense, I'm EXPECTING them to get it wrong.  I’m showing them the futility of relying on themselves to get it right.  Outside of Jesus, their efforts will amount to nothing. 

Our pastor gave a sermon a few months back and he made a point I don’t think I’ll ever forget.  He quoted Ray Ortlund as saying “We need a sense of sin.  We shouldn’t fear it or resent it.  It’s not destructive; it’s actually life-giving.”  And then he said, “We don’t need more self-esteem.  We need more self-awareness and humility and more Christ-esteem.” 

Wow!  A sense of sin is life-giving!  The more I’ve thought about it, the more I believe it to be absolutely true.  If I don’t think I’m a sinner, then why would I need a Savior?  If I don’t gently show my boys their sin, but instead try to give them a false sense of sufficiency in themselves (much of what I think our culture tries to do in the name of “good self-esteem”), I do them a major disservice.  I can give them a gift.  I can lovingly show them their shortcomings and point them to find their esteem in the only one who can truly give it:  Christ.  They will fail themselves, but HE will never fail. 

I am not saying that I'm going to beat my boys over the head every time they do something wrong and say, “See?  You need Jesus!”  And I AM going to encourage them.  My point is, I’d much rather be the one to help them see the reality of who they are than the world.  Hopefully, through the lens of Scripture, I can do it more lovingly than their peers and more truthfully than the world's "wisdom."   

Tomorrow I’m going to talk more about how all this is looking on a practical level for our family.

You might be interested in checking out the other posts from our Gospel-Centered Parenting series:
Introduction:  A Major Shift in My Parenting Mindset
Part 1:  Back to the Basics
Part 2:  Moral Parenting vs. Christian Parenting
Free Printable:  The Gospel in the Bible
Part 4:  How Gospel-Centered Parenting is Looking for Us on a Practical Level