How Gospel-Centered Parenting is Looking for Us on a Practical Level (Part 4)

Well, I wish I could summarize the "how to's" of gospel-centered parenting in 5 easy steps, but I can't.  I feel like I'm learning a little more each day as I try to figure out how all of this plays out in real life.  Like each experience makes it make a little more sense and shows me the richness and fullness of the gospel a little more clearly.  I'm convinced I'm never going to have it figured out and nailed down.  


And isn't that just like the gospel?


I became a believer when I was six years old and I can tell you most assuredly that the gospel means more to me today than it did then.  Than it did 10 years ago.  Even yesterday.


BUT there are some practical things that have changed around here, so I'll share.  I know that sometimes a glimpse into another's life helps me flesh out how it's going to look in mine.  Maybe it'll be the same for you.


This is not a list.  This is not a recipe for success.  This is our feeble attempt to see Christ exalted above all in our home.

Things have not looked much different in the realm of discipline.  I am by no means a parenting expert, but my guess is consistency is a pretty key factor on the behavior aspect.  Whatever method of discipline you choose, as long as it's honoring to God, I say stick with it.  Be consistent.  Whether you choose to spank, time out, remove privileges or some combination, consequences need to be set in place for when rules are broken.  This is not only biblical, but as just about any parent would tell you, Christian or not, pretty necessary to maintain some sense of order.   


So, what actually changes for me in an interaction where discipline is required?


I try to take a second to point to Jesus.


One of them did something wrong?  


I discipline them, just like always and then I remind them they can't get it right on their own and neither can I, but we can both ask Jesus to help us and be thankful for the grace he offers.  (Eek!  I don't know how many times our "grace talk" has involved an apology from me!)  Our conversations have often gone something like, "I know you didn't want to share and that's why you threw your trains.  Mommy was frustrated when I yelled at you for doing that.  We were both wrong.  Anger like that is sin.  I'm so glad Jesus died for that and I'm sorry that I treated you that way."  I've loved how taking a second to do this can bring closure to the event and restoration as I empathize with their struggles.


What about when they do something right?


I get excited with them but remind them that even in these "good" moments, Jesus is still the only way to have a relationship with God.  I think this can be an area that's easy to overlook.  I typically don't think to take time to point to Christ when a crisis has been averted, but this is where I think legalism can so easily slip in.  When my kids hear "Good job, thank you, you're awesome" and that's it, I think I can unintentionally feed into the mindset that the good they've done is earning them something.  


Instead I'm trying to say things more like, "Thanks for helping me, bud!  That was so kind!  Do you remember who showed us the greatest kindness of all?"  He usually grins at me, because I'm praising him and says, "I don't know!"  Ha!  I then of course tell him the answer is Jesus, and remind him that he showed us the greatest love of all when he died for us.  (This also works great with sharing- "Who shared the greatest thing ever?" or saying nice things- "Who gave us the greatest message ever?" or just taking whatever good thing they did and comparing it to the fact that Jesus' work trumps all our good deeds).  I'm not belittling them or not taking a moment to thank and praise them, I'm just trying to put it in perspective for them.  I'm feeling like it's practical right now because it literally adds 15 seconds to our conversation.   


I know that this will not go smoothly in every circumstance.  I'm going to forget (this seems to be the biggest struggle right now and why I'm wearing this bracelet on my wrist.  By the way, have you signed up for a chance to win one? :).  There are also going to be times I'm too mad to do this right (this takes a close second!).  Sin is going to get in the way.  


It's still so foreign to me right now that even these 15 second conversations can be a struggle.  It's taken me weeks just to even get to the point where I remember that I should say something... the next hurdle is having my wits about me to think of what to say.  I will say though, that it's gotten much better (but in real life I don't sound as good as I do in the above edited scenarios.  :)


This quote from Give Them Grace put things in perspective for me:  "So, when you have that morning to top all mornings, when everything that could possibly go wrong does, when grace doesn't mean anything to you, it is his grace that will sustain you.  What mornings like these teach us is that we're just like our children.  They forget, and so do we.  They need grace, and so do we.  We are partners in grace with them."


I've tapped into my Ms. Practical side and I've given myself a goal.  I'm going to try to make a conscious effort to show my kids the gospel at least once a day.  (Obviously the more, the better).  Whether it be by reading a Bible story and showing them how it points to Jesus or taking a moment to discuss the reality of God's gift when I discipline or actually show grace and give them an incredible picture of the gospel, I want to make an effort to see that each and every day my kids hear the gospel in some form or fashion.


I'm totally going to butcher the actual story, but I heard this in a sermon one time and I can't wait to try with my boys someday.  


A man sent his son to his room without dinner for some major disobedience.  After a while, he went into to talk to his son and asked the boy what he thought his punishment should be.  The boy answered with something like "I should be grounded for 2 weeks."  The father answered with "I agree.  That sounds like a fitting punishment.  But instead, I'd like you to come out to the kitchen and have dinner with us and then I'm going to take you out for ice cream."  The boy was puzzled but the father smiled and said, "That, my son, is grace."  I'm not sure if the story is fact or fiction, but I imagine if it's true, that it's a lesson the boy never forgot.  When my boys are older, I plan to do something similar with them.  I think it should definitely be the rare exception and not the rule, but what more incredible method could we choose to cement the gift of grace we've been given in our kids minds, than by actually extending them amazing, unmerited grace.


So, that's where I'm at right now.  Nothing mind-blowing from an outsider's perspective, but a major shift in how I view things.  Hopefully, with time, it will become more second nature to remember and speak grace with my boys.  We've had lots of days where I've remembered and had opportunity to do it several times.  And then we've had days where the quote I mentioned above helps me take a deep breath and remember that I'm in need of grace too.


I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas of how this works on a practical level for you too!  

You might be interested in checking out the other posts from our Gospel-Centered Parenting series:
Introduction:  A Major Shift in My Parenting Mindset
Part 1:  Back to the Basics
Part 2:  Moral Parenting vs. Christian Parenting
Free Printable:  The Gospel in the Bible
Part 3:  Instilling a Realistic View of Self